If only you knew, you’d probably never feel safe asking about it again.

You’re talking with a old friend you haven’t seen in awhile, and you’re bubbling with excitement over all the new updates you’re giving each other about your lives! And then you start to feel it coming. Yeah, you know what it is. You also know that it’s really more appropriate for you to be the one to bring it up and be the informer (and that’s if you want to), but you realize that people just don’t really think or care about the possibility that you’ve just had your heart dashed into a bajillion pieces by some stupidhead, and so it happens…

“Soooooooo… are you seeing anyone?” :)

“Are you dating anyone?” :)

“Got a boyfriend?” :)

“Someone you been eyeing these days?” ;)

 

Soooooooo… no.

No.

Nope.

And… there’s this really cute cashier at Publix, so I prefer to get my groceries on Tuesdays… No, not really. I mean…kinda. But not really.

 

And sometimes that’s just the beginning of it. Sometimes they have “the perfect person for you!” Oh goody! How much uglier will this one be than the last? Believe me, I’ve met a lot of shallow people, and I don’t consider myself one of them, but looks DO matter. If it ain’t happenin’, it ain’t happenin’. Forcing things just makes everything SO. MUCH. WORSE.

Maybe your friend feels sorry for someone they know, and so they essentially want to use you to make the other person feel better by persuading you to “give them a chance” because “they’re so funny!”… as if your feelings about being set up on a blind date with someone who–I don’t know…turns out to literally be a blind date and paralyzed from the waist down–aren’t nearly as important?

Love life snooping and matchmaking–similar to asking (or telling) couples when they’re going to start having children–can be insulting, but most of the time they are done in ignorance anyway. Some people don’t want to date, have a significant other, get married anytime soon…or ever! Some people just don’t make as big of a deal about it. Some people just want everyone else to mind their business. And some people are just tired of taking completely unpromising chances.

If you must have something to say about your friend’s dating life or must involve yourself as a matchmaker, remember that sometimes people are single for some pretty good, understandable reasons. I’m sure it’s cool to say you introduced someone to the one person it worked out with for them, but it’s also nice to not be the source of your friend’s 138’th heartbreak.

Sometimes I feel like somewhere along the way I got kind of shafted. Other times I think my experiences are mostly just like everyone else’s. I tried to come up with a way to explain things to the people who have no idea what guys are left in the arena these days–because, you know, they’ve been gone from it for awhile–so I made an illustrated list of what I have to sift through on a regular basis.  As exaggerated as some of it may seem, it’s actually a pretty condensed list of real experiences that have happened to me and my fellow “still single” ladies. So, in case you’re wondering why some of us are “still single” and pretty down with that, despite our society’s obsession with romance, here’s why:

 

1. Almost every single guy who’s close enough to my age for me to even consider dating…

boy nice guy

2. But those young whippersnappers sure know how to pick up the slack!

So I guess if nothing else works out, I can just be a cougar.

boy too young

3. Guys who don’t deserve an ounce of respect, so they won’t be getting any–any of anything, especially this…

boy mr entitled

4. The”good boy” version of #3…

boy mr entitled religious man style

5. When you’re 22 and all the good guys are like, “Yeah, so you’re really awesome!”

And you’re like, “Really?”

And they’re like, “Yeah! Who is your friend?!”

[talks to friend, dates friend, marries friend]

It’s not a total life disaster, or even much of a disappointment, to find out that a good guy isn’t romantically interested in you if you don’t really have that whole lightning bolt attraction you’d prefer to have going on for him anyway. But then you realize who’s left…

boy holy man

6. And that one time you were crushing on you best friend just like everyone does in the movies, and then you realized that it should have been going somewhere, but it wasn’t…

boy likes boys

7. And then, of course, the casual outings. You know, just watching a movie or finding a place to sit at a sporting event…

boy likes little boys

8. Occasionally, someone shows interest in you, and you’re like, “whaaaa?”

And then you get used to it and start to like it… and then BOOM!!

boy liar

9. But here’s the more typical version of #8–the version that used to happen to me before I apparently became atypical–and maybe the worst of all the kinds, despite how common it is…

boy listening friendzoner

I think it’s safe to say my expectations and standards are not “too high” or “unrealistic” when I express that I’d like something better.

To be honest, if that’s all that’s left in the pot, then game over. No more picking around for me because it’s all going in the trash can. I’d rather waste my time on things that at least have some potential.

girl with heart

girl with heart 2

girl with heart 3

girl with heart 4

Advertisements